


How everything ended well when it began in tears and cries.

by Dorrito



Category: Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes, The Avengers (2012), The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Because I did, Bodyswap, Bruce doesn't care, F/F, F/M, Loki's a trickster, M/M, Need to sleep as well, Not Beta Read, have fun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-06
Updated: 2013-03-11
Packaged: 2017-11-28 11:05:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,136
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/673693
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dorrito/pseuds/Dorrito
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So what happens when Loki bodyswaps almost everyone in the 'A' tower -aka Avengers Tower?</p>
<p>Basically?</p>
<p>Bruce doesn't care because Loki won't try to get him angry.<br/>Natasha traumatizes everybody when she tries to make out with Jane.<br/>Thor is scary. Coulson too, but not in the same way, please.<br/>Steve walks around naked followed by a blushing Tony.<br/>And Clint bangs his head against the walls.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue :The day they should better have stayed in Bed.

**Author's Note:**

> Here's the first chapter of a short story. I had to write it. I'm sorry. No, I'm not in fact. But be patient, dear and the next chapter will come...Soon. I hope.

The Chitauri attack ? The end of a peaceful era of calm and happiness surrounded by bees and unicorns. The beginning of the end. Or something like that. 

Well, yeah, it was as if those greenish aliens coming from outer-space and attacking New-York had only been some kind of huge invitation for every megalomaniac with a brain a bit too much developed or too much money to try to take his part of the world. Except Tony. He almost owned it already after. Genius, Playboy and Billionaire, remember? Don’t forget the Philanthropist thing too, could be useful for later. Or maybe not, we’ll see.

So what was I saying? Yeah, the Chitauri, right. Big bad monsters with huge flying mechanic things guided by a so called God wearing one of the most ridiculous costumes ever. Come on, look at those horns…Sure the guy can’t even walk into a museum without getting stuck somewhere. So this Loki guy, pushed by dark motives and full of jealousy and whatever you want that you don’t wish your kids to be when they grow up, failed miserably –that’s what you’d call an epic fail, yep- and ended being brought back to Asgard along with his brother. Well, his adopted brother. But this… perverted sly horned fox –horned, not horny, calm your tits, please- managed to stay alive. Silver tongue they said, can manage anything. Well, sorry but I can do miracles with my tongue too and I don’t especially mean by talking. Erm. Anyway. Loki punished, banned, cast away or something like this, the Chitauri…destroyed, everybody would have normally thought that this was the end and that everybody could come back to its own little business. But nope. Because what…two months after the attacks? Boum! Another attack! And along with that, the discovery of the existence of other super-heroes. And mutants. I don’t even want to know how many people died from cardiac-arrest this day. Because, really, having someone lift a bus with its ‘mind’, I’d personally freak out very much thank you. Or maybe not. Don’t know, don’t care to tell you the truth. Must be already used to it. 

And then began the longest six months of the Avengers life. Barton and Romanov somehow managed to keep their cover. Tony maybe had something to do with that since, strangely, every tiny little bit of technological record of the Chitauri fight had surprisingly vanished. Except his owns and S.H.I.E.L.D.’s. Same for Bruce. Not like that much people can recognize him when he turns into a huge green ball of anger, right? Tony…Well, Tony is Tony so everybody knows him and he loves it. Why wouldn’t he? Thor doesn’t care. He loves it when people come to him, asking for autographs, hug and whatever stupid they can ask for. And always have it –generally, though the girl who asked if she could make him pause for playboy must have been quite disappointed. She wasn’t the only one. And Steve has some difficulties. He normally doesn’t get recognized and people don’t seem to take it seriously when he starts making weird and old –old as balls- references. So in a way, despite the constant fighting against bad guys more evil or disappointing than the other –some have really ridiculous taste for names and costumes, really- and the struggle to know who, between the Avengers, the Fantastic Four or the X-men is going to take the next ride or if everybody joins in and celebrate, despite this, everything is fine. 

The group somehow ended living in the ‘big ugly building’ –and now repaired- in New-York, and everything works fine. Well, when they’re on a case. Because next to that, there’s some…tension in the air. Yeah, of course, it’s the sexual one, the ones that fills the air with electricity and sparkles or whatever and that only Thor can enjoy because he’s the God of Thunder after all. So this famous tension…. Well put superheroes full of hormones and muscles, shake and see what comes out of it. Of course, Tony flirts with everybody, no need to be surprised. But they all know that it his usual way of acting. Well, everybody except Steve who don’t seem to understand that and keep blushing like the virgin Tony is persuaded he is. And he finds it so fun that he never stops. Add this to the tension thing. Then there’s Thor. He’s open, and huge and somehow like the huge Teddy-bear plushy you never had. Not really threatening, but he turns into some kind of wild beast when Jane comes around. Bruce can confirm. He’d heard it all. Clint could be Tony’s twin. He’s a sneaky bastard with a sassy sense of humor. He can be grumpy too – the day they found the ‘grumpy cat ‘ pictures was so epic- but, strangely, never when Coulson is around. Yeah, you heard me right. Coulson. Alive. And in one part. Fury can feel himself happy to have his eye left, because he hadn’t been far to lose it when the Avengers heard Coulson was alive. You don’t fuck with Coulson. Well except if he asks it, but I guess it’s another story. Then there are Natasha and Bruce. They both are secretive, not very open to the others, but they are here and it’s enough for the other.  
So, to put it in a nutshell, we have Clint hanging around Coulson, Tony trying to see if he can break Steve before Steve breaks him, and Thor turning berserk whenever Jane and he are too close of an horizontal surface. Well, not always horizontal. Let’s say flat. And even there I’m not sure…erm, I’ll stop there, guess you understood the picture. And with that, Natasha and Bruce seem to be the neutral observers, making comments and sometimes giving advices. So it’s hard to have time to be bored in the ‘A’ Tower. Especially with all the ‘saving the world’ thing.

But… Yeah, notice, there is always a but –or a butt, not the same thing though- to make things more complicated, and admit it, you really love when it gets complicated. So just guess who just shows? Yep, right bull’s in. Loki. But without scepter this time, and apparently nothing else in mind than piss off the Avengers with dirty tricks, heartless attacks, diversions and April fools in June. Making everybody regret the day they had the occasion to shoot the little prick and didn’t do it because ‘they had heart’. Really. Only Thor is happy to see Loki every time. Well. Was happy. Now he’s less motivated when the trickster shows again. He has a reason for, after all. In fact almost every Avenger has one more reason to hate –and love, but wait for it- Loki. Except Bruce who wasn’t concerned at all. Except maybe for the constant shocks and panic attacks he suffered from, maybe.

 

So, now that I’ve got your interest, let me tell you the story no Avenger is going to forget –though they would like to. This is the story of how Loki…Hell, no I’m not telling you this this way, not fun. Let’s start with something more modern. With action and fights, kids like this nowadays.

Okay so, it was like ten in the morning. The Avengers were fighting some kind of creature I’d be pained to describe –like a mix between a giraffe and a platypus, except with more claws, teeth and other killing appendices. And green. Not a angry Bruce green. Nope. A Loki green. Of course. That’s the charm of having imagination and an absolutely hideous signature. But never mind, the thing was that they were all fighting this…thing, Iron Man in the air, acting as the heavy hitter. Natasha trying to find weak spots but it wasn’t really her division. Clint making holes happily with his arrows. Thor fighting Loki and Hulk happily smashing the creature’s parts he could get a grip on, all of this under the supervision of Captain America who was trying to minimize the damages and the victims. The fight didn’t last for that long. Only long enough to destroy a bakery and one office, but nobody really complained since Tony was as rich as fuck and somehow always ended repaying the damages he was doing. What a philanthropist, really. –Here , I used it, see?- but that’s not the point. The point is somehow, Loki managed to escape ‘again’ and disappeared, letting the Avengers plus Coulson –with a huge bazooka he loved bringing with him when Loki was around- alone in the middle of the street, left with a weird creature right out of the God’s imagination. Well they hoped it was, because otherwise the poor humans or whatever living around it were having rough times. So as usual, they all came back to their headquarters for a debrief, tired but happy to have fought the evil –and won- once again. They were all here, looking at the footages and making comments when Loki simply…appeared out of nowhere, a casual sly smirk on his lips. Of course everybody stood up, aiming at him but this didn’t seem to frighten the god. Thor jumping on him to make him fall on the floor neither since the blonde passed through him, making Loki lift an eyebrow in a ‘And-I-keep-telling-you-that-you-fall-for-the-same-trick-again-and-again way. So here we are, the Avengers in formation, looking at Loki with harsh stares. Clint is in front of Coulson, protecting him without thinking. Tony is already blocking the Tower thanks to JARVIS. Steve is ready to fight, Natasha a deadly shadow on his side. Bruce is still sitting on his chair because he knows Loki won’t try anything against him –he never tried again since their first encounter. And Thor is on the floor, very sprawled on the floor and confused. And Loki? Well, Loki smirks, makes a weird motion. And disappears without a word, letting everybody as confused as Thor if not more since he didn’t follow everything. So maybe it was just a threat, some kind of message or just a bug in the ‘holographic’ transmission… The Avengers stay quiet for what seems like hours, but nobody moves and Tony stops the lock down of the Tower because ‘he has to take a shower and change, I have a fucking date with twins tonight I’m not gonna miss this’.

So everything comes back to normal. Well that’s what they thought. They all went back to their little routine –after a good shower, of course- and everything was fine again. Natasha reading quietly a Russian book in a corner of the living room, sipping a hot cocoa Bruce made her when he was now baking something –had something to do with the whole ‘zen’ thing apparently. Clint was surely hiding somewhere in the vents or spying on Phil –who end up living there as well, his girlfriend not bearing Phil’s secrecy. Steve was in the living room, spread over the couch near Natasha, looking at some kind of TV-show and Thor was happily playing watching along, making comments. And Tony was somewhere outside, flirting and drinking. So, it was a usual evening when nothing came to disturb them. And nothing came. So they all went back to their respective rooms –Tony as well, but not alone, it was maybe his way to cope with his break-up with Pepper. Not that much alcohol but sex. A lot of sex.- and they –more or less- slept like babies.  
The morning after though was more…chaotic.


	2. How everybody found out the terrible truth (and Bruce still doesn't care.)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So that's it. Loki's apparition hadn't been a false alert. Nope. Not at all.
> 
>  
> 
> And the Avengers are going to regret it.

Rogers was the first to wake up; Well the first concerned to wake up. Because Banner had already been awake for something like two hours already and I really don’t understand why people keep complaining about Stark’s sleeping habits. They’ve never heard of Banner’s before…

 

But that’s not the point here. So Rogers was the first to wake up, showing in the kitchen with the sexiest bed hair you’ve ever seen –don’t lie to me, everybody’s got wet dreams with Captain tight pants as the main guest- and half naked –understand only wearing boxer, which is half naked for me since the guys just runs around wearing the more tight spandex you can imagine. So a half-naked and sexy looking wild Captain appears, rubbing his face and aiming for the coffee machine when a voice stops him on the spot.

 

“Steve, it’s quite rare to see you up this late. I hope you’re fine.”

Says Bruce, a mug of something smelling like tea in his hands, sitting on a tool against the counter. And that’s when it becomes funny. Steve stops, blinks and turns toward Bruce a lost look on his face with a “What?”

Bruce frowns then slowly stood up, walking toward Steve and stops a few steps away from him. 

“Steve, are you okay? You seem strange this morning. Is this the nightmare thing again?”   
He asks and Steve jerks backwards and looks down at his body. And that’s when this inhuman truly unmanly sound went out of his throat. And really, if a neat and proper Steve Rogers is annoying, a freaking out one is kind of frightening. 

 

“Oh my fucking god! What the fuck is going on? Why the Hell am I Captain’s America fucking body?!”   
He screams, moving forward the fridge and looking at his silver reflection with wide eyes.

“Fucking Loki, if I find you I’ll kill you. Torture you in the worst way possible and there’ll be Justin Bieber’s music involved.

 

His words are welcomed by a tough silence, broken a few seconds after by a hesitant “Tony?” by Bruce. 

 

“Of course it’s me! Do you think Rogers would walk around half naked and fucking swore every two words for fun?”  
Replies Steve, rolling his eyes and throwing his arms in the air. 

 

“I just need not to freak out right now and see…oh fuck fuckidy fuck…The twins…”

 

And with that, Bruce -not asking questions. Yet- and Steve both run out of the kitchen and are quick enough to see a terrified Tony Stark –naked- looking around him, surrounded by two gorgeous –and very naked- blonds. But apparently the twins weren’t that much of twins. Since one was a woman. And the other a man. Thanks God –or something like that, it’s not like I care about who’s looking at us right now, it could be aliens again I wouldn’t care more- the two of them were still asleep since the freaking out Tony didn’t made a single sound. 

So Steve walks in and Tony’s eyes widen like you never thought it would be possible to. He points a finger toward him, become pale –and a bit green as well- but doesn’t say a word. It’s Bruce who saves the day. He walks in and “Body swap.” And that’s it. Tony slowly crawls at the end of the bed and stands with shaky legs, eyes on Steve.

“How?” He asks with a weak voice.

 

He doesn’t get an answer and instead Steve grabs his arm and pulls him outside, closing the door when Bruce walks out of the room as well.

 

“We’ll see that later.” Says the doctor. 

 

“I don’t know why, but I’ve got the impression that you aren’t the only ones with this problem.” He whispers, as they walk back toward the kitchen.   
And when they arrive, Barton is there, drinking something that looks like tea – apparently everybody’s into tea lately…. He calmly puts his cup on the counter and turns to look at them. He looks nervous but strangely calm.

 

“Stark, Captain, Banner.”

 

He salutes them as they stop a few steps away from him, looking with a half worried, and half suspicious look. And it’s weird because, really nobody seems to be freaking out at all. I mean, body swap guys…Doesn’t happen every day. It’s like waking up someday and discovering that you’re not you anymore. With benefits. Or not. But anyway, there’s a huge blank, everybody staring at each other and suddenly, Steve giggles. Yeah, giggles and then bursts out laughing like you never imagined it was possible before. Like a crazy teenage girl with too much hormones or something like that. And then he points a finger toward Barton and huffs something sounding like “Oh my fucking God, Coulson, I could recognize your stick-in-the-ass attitude everywhere. So, yeah imagine the shock for said Coulson –since it’s him inside Barton apparently- when he hears his dear lovely Captain Spangles laugh at him and swear. Quite a shock. And yet the guy only calmly puts his cup on the counter and stands up ready to say something sassy and yet politically correct under some tazers and Super nanny references.

 

That’s when Hell breaks loose. Well, to be more precise, an inhuman screeching, cry or whatever you can think of -but inhuman – bounces against the walls and it’s like WWIII just began. Because the cry turns on the alarm, make a huge beeping sound, locks the entry doors, closes the shutters and everybody runs toward the source in commando mode –not this commando, you perverted being-. And after some running and sweating they finally end up into one of the numerous corridors only to find Coulson screeching crying on the floor about his lost hair, Thor on the verge of crying as well next to him, cursing in russian while Natasha is booming about magical spells and mighty ruses. 

And if Natasha if terrifying when she's acting like normal –meaning quiet and menacing- nothing’s more frightening than Natasha booming with a huge smile on her lips. Nothing. Well, maybe Coulson losing his shit on the floor depends on the point of view I suppose.

Add to this Steve suddenly bursting out laughing again and almost falling on the floor and you’ve got the general picture of the scene under your eyes.  
But then a loud voice echoes in the corridors, a strong commanding –and kinda unknown- and everybody stops to look at Tony.

 

“Coulson, take Clint, taze him If you need. Thor, shut up and please Tony go calm Natasha. And by Natasha I mean Natasha currently inside Thor’s body. Meeting in five minutes in the kitchen. Jarvis, Tower in lock down. I don’t want anybody to be informed before we figure this out… And please send somebody to take care of the twins.”

 

Everybody stares at him while Jarvis answers with a “Of course, Captain”, because yeah, he’s smart like this and it seems that everybody calms down to see Tony so calm for once. As they leave for the kitchen still trembling and eyes wide in shock. Only Steve seems to be more than completely afraid and lets out a “I’m quite sexy when I’m serious in fact. I’d tap that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, I'm quite busy... I think that one (or maybe two) more chapter are coming after this one.


End file.
